Pumpkin Pie Dreams


With the clarity that only comes from hindsight I see the small acts of rebellion that I undertook – even if they went undetected by my husband – to somehow still feel connected to myself and my history. In the actual day to day I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it, I was a busy mother to 3 young children. I didn’t examine my situation all that carefully, I adapted and adjusted as one by one I was isolated from any of my family and friends that my husband deemed negative or not up to his high standards. It didn’t happen overnight, it was over almost 10 years and by the end I bore almost no resemblance to the person I had been. I had contorted myself into the person I thought my husband wanted me to be. A person who didn’t have room in her life for close friends, for her own family, or for her own needs.

Making the perfect "Pumpkin Pie" isn’t something that many people think about. It is a dessert that many people skip on their Thanksgiving feast. Having been cut off from my family for many years, and as my grandmother had recently passed away, I decided to spend this year carefully recreating her favorite holiday dessert. My grandmother was an amazing cook but not a big fan of writing down her recipes. I consider myself fortunate that I spent many years asking her to write down my childhood favorites. My goal was to make a pumpkin pie that grandma would have loved and to keep it as true to her recipe as I could – seasoning from memory. After several trials I did it. I had never managed her skill with homemade crust so I settled for the Pillsbury ready-made kind and baked my pies. Every year I would make pies for my closest friends; I would even make them for my in-laws. As they got older, I would encourage my kids to help with the baking; in this way I felt that they were somehow sharing some part of my family traditions.

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