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Who would have known…

Little girl holding a hose FF&FF

When I was a little girl, I just thought that life was just the way it was! My memories of my father are few, but nothing good and all under the age of 5!

My first memory was my dad dragging my mother across the lawn of our apartment building by her hair and my mom screaming for me to “Call south 30338!”, I was only 4 or 5 but I can vividly recall how helpless and stupid I felt that I couldn’t figure out what south meant! I later learned that south was the letters S & O, which equates to "76" on a telephone dial! I will never ever forget that day, as it was one of the worst memories that I have.

I remember a time when I got carbon monoxide poisoning in the car and my dad was screaming at me to get out of the car and walk, but I couldn’t. He left me in the car telling me I was being a baby. I remember feeling so abandoned sitting in that car all alone. The next day on a drive somewhere else, I got carbon monoxide poisoning again, but this time my great-grandmother and sister were in the car and they went unconscious. I recall being unable to walk again and dazed similar to the day before, only this time my father was panicking because my sister and Grandmother were ill. That was when my Grandfather, who was a fire chief met us along with the ambulance. I recall everything being surreal and thinking, “Yes, yesterday this happened too and you didn’t believe me or care”.

The last real memory I have was shortly after the carbon monoxide incident… he was supposed to come and take my sister and I somewhere for the day. I recall waiting outside for the entire day with my sister giving up really early on. I waited and waited thinking I know he will be here, but he never showed… I remember my Grandmother or Grandfather making me come inside and me saying, “I know he is coming”, but they knew he wasn’t.

I will never understand how a father or mother could ever just walk away from their child, but he did. I never saw him again and recall essentially “writing him off in my mind”.

I always told my mother, “I do not know how I could have been a product of that man!”, a thought I relayed to her several times over the course of my life.

She just listened and never responded.

NOW, it all makes sense!

I do think that you can choose to be defined by the events in your life and let them swallow you up OR you can choose to rise above them and be better for them. I chose the later. Just like my mom, I chose to be the best mother that I could be. Protecting my children from any and everything possible. Giving up a lot because it was what was best for my family and it was the right thing to do.

Although things that happen throughout life, like these, may not define you, they certainly play a role in some of the decisions that life force you to make... my Mom made a decision and now, it is my mission, to find out why.

To be continued...

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