Am I Engaged to You or Your Lawyer?


About a month after we were engaged he invited me downtown for dinner adding that he needed to make a quick stop on the way. I didn’t think much of it; he was a businessman and knew about a million people. We stopped at his attorney’s office and this lawyer began to explain to me how it was necessary for me to sign a pre-nuptial agreement or we wouldn’t be able to get married. I was aghast – my fiancée hadn’t said a thing to me about this, we’d barely been engaged for a month and now I was in his lawyer’s office being told to sign this document or it was off? I was so confused and hurt; all I could do was cry. As I sat there, bewildered, it came out that because my fiancée had been married twice before, his business partner had given him no choice but to get the agreement signed (so he said). I couldn’t believe he was asking me to do this. So much for my fairytale! I didn’t commit but just left with my fiancée, still crying. About a month later, he brought up the agreement again – this time shortly before we were about to depart for a 3-week trip around the world, which ended just a few weeks before our wedding. He told me to either sign or he would cancel the wedding. I still refused – for me all of this legal maneuvering seemed ridiculous. We were getting married because we loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, not as some kind of business venture. In the week leading up to the wedding he pressured me mercilessly to sign the agreement, which I was seeing for the first time and 3 days before the wedding, I finally broke down. This was the man I loved and good relationships involve compromise, right?

That agreement would haunt me for the next twenty years. After I had learned that the only compromising to be done was always on my side, and, the sweet, attentive man I had dated was merely a mask that the monster I had once glimpsed could hide behind.

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