- Mar 7, 2019
Part 1:
I think that dating is difficult at any age, for either sex, but being a single woman at 50 is that much more difficult. Being single for the first time in more than 20 years is extremely awkward to say the least.
I think that my take on all of this is different than most, I waited a really long time, choosing to focus on raising my amazing kids before I even thought about what my life might be missing. I waited more than 4 years before I even went out in a setting that was really even social. My friends pushed, but I really wasn’t interested.
My first time out was strange, I really felt when I walked in to that room full of people that everyone was staring at me - they probably were because I looked so uncomfortable. I was and still am different than most of the others including both men & women that are in these settings.
I always said that there was no way I would ever be that girl on the prowl and I never will be. I never wanted to go out with only one or 2 friends standing on the outside of the room scanning the room for a potential whatever as there is a lot of that going on and it really is pathetic and desperate. I am lucky enough to proudly say that I was able to avoid that.
I actually have an amazing small group of women that are not only interesting and funny, they are intelligent and confident, able to sit at a table engrossed in a conversation oblivious to all that is going on around us. I think we are the exception, not the rule.
Secondly, on that first night out, we were fortunate enough to run in to a male friend that I have known for nearly twenty years. He immediately made us feel so comfortable, introducing us to all of his friends who welcomed us in to their “friend” group.
I need to genuinely express how grateful I am to all of the “friend” group for welcoming us and have to say that the rest of my story really isn’t about any of them. They are really the proof that having a non-judging group of friends is healthy and necessary! I am so thankful for my friends, old and new!
I feel a little bit like I am a character from the sit-com “Friends” (of course an older version) and I kind of like it. Now we are invited everywhere, not as objects or with an ulterior motive, but truly because we are friends and part of the group. It really is fun and a pleasure to hang out with all of them.
There was one small hiccup to the first night, so I have to mention it:
That very first night of being out, I had an interesting conversation with one of the guys. In a nutshell, he asked me, “Don’t you have the desire to just “HOOK-UP” for the night with someone?” I don't even know what that means, BUT I didn’t even have to think about it for a second - absolutely NOT! I was mortified and although I really am unclear of what that means, I think it really might be a thing that a lot of people are doing!
To each his own as they say, but I am going to judge a little and maybe wrongly so... I think that you have only one reputation no matter how old you are - this includes men and women, but I am speaking mainly for women! I also think that a first impression is a lasting impression and I guess that may make me prudish or uptight, but I really do know within a minute if I like someone or not - even as a friend!
I am different and always have been, I am the one who almost always stays sober, not entirely because I always want to be in control, but because I genuinely don’t need to have alcohol to make me feel comfortable. My friends might argue that am a lot more fun when I am drunk, but I beg to differ!
If I could describe myself in one word, I would say that I am a little bit “Invisible”, some people might call it unapproachable, but I am pretty sure that I do go unnoticed and am easily forgotten!
I really like being the one observing, so I am OK with that, I am not lacking confidence and will talk with many people throughout the night, some interesting and some not, but I do judge people and really feel like I am a good judge of character.
So what is the point? Well, my initial take on all of this is that we are all in the same boat. I don't think that you should ever try and be something that you are not. There really are just as many guys out there with questionable confidence as there are women and there are just as many men re-learning how to do this as there are women. One thing I know is that we are all equally awkward. I guess that you have to start somewhere and as I said, being out with my "friend" group has made this next chapter actually fun and I am truly grateful!
Having been out and about for a little while, one thing has not changed. I still feel like I am different than everyone else in the places we go. I am still the observer and by choice I am still alone. Hopefully someday I will feel differently and perhaps I will eventually be leaving with someone, someone worthy, someone that I really like, someone who is charming and funny, someone who likes that I am different and wants to leave to have a deeper conversation, but never for just a sleepover.
Please share your story with us at mystory@50fabulousandfinallyfree.com
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- Feb 14, 2019
Having a birthday falling anywhere within a month of a holiday, most men will try and co-opt it so they can buy one gift, one dinner out etc. rather than having to keep track of multiple dates and events. For me, this meant generally celebrating Valentine’s Day and my birthday together. Not having close friends to celebrate with, we would often travel to other areas of Southern California with acquaintances from work or neighbor friends. On this particular year, we decided to travel to Las Vegas to see a comedian I particularly liked. My husband bought the airline tickets and planned the whole trip. I was a little surprised but happy to have warranted this positive attention.
I made sure my sitter was available for the children and off we went. The night started off well with drinks and dinner with the former neighbors who had made the trip with us. We were seated and had watched the opening act when my husband whispered in my ear, “I’ll be right back, going to the restroom.” The show continued, the headliner came out and was as great as I had anticipated, still my husband had not returned. After about 30 minutes I realized he wasn’t coming back, the other gentleman asked me if I was concerned and I laughed and told him no, but that it was just the 3 of us for the remainder of the night. He looked at me in disbelief, but soon found out I was correct. We left the show, the other couple returned to their room and I went to my empty one. I was hurt and a bit sad, but I wasn’t surprised. My husband had used my birthday / Valentine’s Day to come to Las Vegas to see another woman, so I ordered myself a piece of cake from room service then went to sleep. He returned sometime in the very early hours of the morning with a story about taking a taxi and not being able to find one to get back, but I knew what had happened. He took me to a jewelry store that day and bought me a beautiful heart necklace. This was my reward for not fighting with him about his absence. I was numb inside and thanked him for the necklace. It was just another day for him, an awful day for me. But that was the thing – it was never about me, only about him.
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- Feb 8, 2019
Favorite Find: Fashionphile
I love nice things! Purses, Shoes, Jewelry, anything pretty. Whether you can afford to pay full price or not, why would you? It really makes no sense when there are sites that can save you a ton of money. One of my favorite sites is Fashionphile. This online site will buy a bag or a pair of shoes from you that you no longer use or you can buy a new favorite at huge savings! I have never sold anything, but I have purchased a couple of bags over the years. Each bag goes through an extensive authentication and certification process, which ensures that you can trust that your purchase is legit! Their return policy is great (unlike other similar sites) and there is always free shipping.
Note: Make sure to use the filters... I always select the “New” and “Excellent” options under condition. You can “follow” an item that you like or get “discount alerts” on a favorite as well. My experience with this company has been nothing but positive! I will be sure and let you know if that ever changes!
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