- Nov 15, 2017
Some people use the word family and it means something warm and inviting, like a big bathtub full of warm water and bubbles. For me the word family was a jagged pill under the best of circumstances but as the holidays approach each year, it becomes even harder. My mother was an abusive bi-polar manic-depressive so it made sense that I married a manic-depressive with sociopathic tendencies. To say that family was complicated is an understatement. Of course my husband didn’t get along with my mother, and if I wanted to spend time with her I had to carefully plan and plead for the opportunity or, better yet, I had to see her behind his back. This particular year was my oldest daughter’s first Thanksgiving and I had hoped to be able to spend some part of it with both my family and my in-laws. True to form, my husband had decided that we would stay home, eschewing any familial activities.
I didn’t mind the cooking, or having Thanksgiving at our home, I just minded the fact that my family was never considered an option. Ultimately, it worked out that my husband traveled out of town for a week a short time before the holiday. I invited my mother and grandmother over for a nice dinner so they could have some time with my daughter. At 6 months of age she didn’t do much but enjoyed eating my grandma’s spaghetti with us. My mom was on her best behavior and all around it was just a lovely evening. As they were leaving I quickly looked around to make sure nothing was left behind, any evidence would alert my husband to the fact they had visited. Later that evening I realized that as my daughter got older such evenings wouldn’t be possible; she would be able to talk and any meetings with her Nana would be something she would want to talk about, she would never understand why it would need to be a secret. This warm and pleasant evening, sharing my beautiful new baby with my mother and grandmother, would never be allowed by my husband. He would tell me it was for my own good, he would point out the many flaws in my mother and then express the concern that having her around our child was dangerous. He would buy me something nice as a gift (bribe) for going along with his wishes. I had managed to steal this tiny moment, but who knew when I might have the opportunity again? As I went to sleep that night I realized how isolated I was from my family. I had never felt so alone.
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- Nov 7, 2017
Family means the world to me, and I learned that from my mom. Growing up in the south, almost every holiday involved food in some way. We sat down for dinner almost every night, whether it was fancy and complicated, or a simple meal. My mom was an amazing cook, unfortunately not something that I inherited:( Much of what she made was either too difficult or too messy for me to ever attempt! Simply put, if it had more than a handful of ingredients, I was out. I have collected and perfected some of her simpler recipes and I am sure she would be proud even though they are basic… having two kids and going in a million directions, I wouldn’t have time for anything more complicated anyway. One bonus, minus the Fritos and Saltines, this is gluten-free! This chili is one of my favorites that we would often have on Halloween so we could get out of the house fast and on to trick or treating or the night before Thanksgiving to keep things easy as we prepared for Thanksgiving Day!
My Mom’s Favorite Chili
4- servings
Ingredients:
1-pound ground beef or more, if desired
2 15 oz. cans chili beans in sauce
One large can/jar tomato juice (more if you prefer a thinner consistency)
Chili powder (Start with 1 ½ tablespoons and season to taste)
Salt
Pepper
Cayenne pepper (if desired)
Optional Toppings:
Shredded cheddar cheese
Sour cream
Chopped green onions
Cilantro
Fritos or Saltine crackers
*You can sauté ¼ cup diced onion with the ground beef, if desired (I love it but my kids don’t!)
Directions:
1. Brown ground beef over medium heat in a large stockpot
2. Season ground beef with chili powder, salt and pepper to taste
3. Drain any excess fat leaving at least a tablespoon in the pot
4. Add the two cans of chili beans and tomato juice
5. Stir to mix, cover and let simmer covered for about 15 minutes over medium-low heat, stirring occasionally
6. Taste, adding additional seasoning if needed
7. Add cayenne pepper in small amounts, to taste, if desired
8. Serve with optional toppings and either Fritos or Saltine Crackers
9. Enjoy!
- Nov 4, 2017
I remember thinking that the pumpkin had to be carved just right – my vision was that it would be perfect and therefore everything else would be ok. I labored over the template for hours, making tiny cuts into the flesh of the pumpkin, doing my best to make sure it was an exact match. The more I focused on this project, the less I could think about the last few months. The bruises on my neck had faded; it no longer hurt to turn my head. My children were happy. These were the things I needed to focus on. I could hear him moving inside the house and braced myself, knowing that while this attack wouldn’t be physical it would be just as difficult to withstand. “What kind of idiot can’t even carve a pumpkin without directions?” I sighed, careful not to be too loud and in my head thought “This kind of idiot obviously.” I turned to face him, this contorted and angry man, the father of my children…my husband.
In my extreme focus on the pumpkin – honestly, had any one pumpkin ever been subjected to such critical scrutiny? I snapped off the end of a paring knife…. a $200 knife that we had recently purchased. If he were to see the damaged cutlery, it would set off an entire new cascade of angry recriminations and odds are, one of the kids would have heard his meltdown. Thinking fast, I shoved the broken knife into the pumpkin and tossed the piece that had broken off into the bushes. What followed was a tirade of epic proportions. My ability to function as an adult, my parenting skills and of course my qualifications as a wife were called into question and I was berated for about half an hour as I continued my pumpkin project.
Every year on Halloween I was drawn to more and more involved pumpkin carving projects until the year that I realized that my marriage was over. I wish that I could say that this was within a year or so of the day I broke the knife, but it was well over a decade later when I would finally find my voice and my confidence again. Looking back over the pictures of past Halloweens, it’s easy to see the focus I put into my pumpkin projects, and it would become a tradition that my children and I enjoyed together. This is the silver lining of living in an awful marriage; I put all of my energy and attention into my children. For them, those early Halloweens are happy memories filled with candy, costumes, pumpkins and fun. Now that the kids are mostly grown and haven’t trick-or-treated in years, but I still remember those early Halloween adventures whenever we see a particularly cute pumpkin.
Now, I’m almost seven years free of that toxic relationship and haven’t carved a pumpkin in even longer. I recovered my self-confidence, realized that I’m not actually a complete failure at everything, and have built my children and myself a happy life. As a reminder of how far I’ve come, I still have the broken knife.
Please share your story with us at mystory@50fabulousandfinallyfree.com
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