Loving Yourself
Breast Cancer is a cause close to our hearts, not just as women with breasts, but also as people who have seen too many friends stricken down by this dreaded disease. We lost two amazing women, teachers who had a profound impact on our children, so we dedicate this section to their memories. Terry and Sandy gone far too soon, your legacy lives on in the lives of the children you inspired.
Know what is normal for you
The signs of breast cancer are not the same for all women. It’s important to know how your breasts normally look and feel.
Many women find their breasts feel lumpy. Breast tissue often has bumpy texture. Lumps that feel harder or different than the rest of the breast tissue (or the tissue of the other breast) or that feel like a change are a concern. If you feel or see any change in your breasts or underarm, see a doctor.
Resources
Susan G. Komen 1-877 GO KOMEN (1-877-465-6636) www.komen.org
American Cancer Society 800-227-2345 www.cancer.org
National Cancer Institute’s Cancer Information Service 1-800-4-CANCER (1-800-422-6237) www.cancer.gov
Signs you should not ignore
Lump, hard knot or thickening inside the breast or underarm area
Swelling, warmth, redness or darkening of the breast
Change in the size or shape of the breast
Dimpling or puckering of the skin
Itchy, scaly sore or rash on the nipple
Pulling in of the nipple or other parts of the breast
Nipple discharge that starts suddenly
New pain in one spot that does not go away
Bra Hacks (Aka Ways to make the bra you have work rather than buying a new one!)
These are some of my favorite ways to change up or fix my bra without having to run to the store for a new one:
Underwire punctures – I don’t know if this happens to everyone but every so often one of the wire bits of my underwire decides to break free and stab me in the breast. Previously I had tried tape, sewing the hole shut and then just trying to live with it by poking the wire back in. (Not easy to do if you’re in public.) Then I discovered this trick – just take a small square of moleskin (In any drugstore or big retail grocery store in the foot section) and put the adhesive side over the hole. No more unpleasant poking and the soft moleskin doesn’t chafe. You’re now good to go until another underwire makes a break for it.
Trying to wear a cute cross back shirt but don’t have a bra with a cross back? (Or you do but its dirty, wrong color etc.) Take your regular bra, loosen the shoulder straps a bit and use a paperclip to keep them together in the middle. Easy to do and just as easy to remove afterward.
Looking to wear a backless or plunging back shirt? Take a bra you don’t mind adapting for this purpose and A) cut off the clasps on each side of the bra. B) Use elastic that is the same width as the back and hot glue the detached clasps to the end C) hot glue the other end of the elastic to the bra. Let it dry (overnight at the least) and voila! A bra that now clasps around your midsection, while maintaining support in the front.
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When I was a little girl, I just thought that life was just the way it was! My memories of my father are few, but nothing good and all under the age of 5!
My first memory was my dad dragging my mother across the lawn of our apartment building by her hair and my mom screaming for me to “Call south 30338!”, I was only 4 or 5 but I can vividly recall how helpless and stupid I felt that I couldn’t figure out what south meant! I later learned that south was the letters S & O, which equates to "76" on a telephone dial! I will never ever forget that day, as it was one of the worst memories that I have.
I remember a time when I got carbon monoxide poisoning in the car and my dad was screaming at me to get out of the car and walk, but I couldn’t. He left me in the car telling me I was being a baby. I remember feeling so abandoned sitting in that car all alone. The next day on a drive somewhere else, I got carbon monoxide poisoning again, but this time my great-grandmother and sister were in the car and they went unconscious. I recall being unable to walk again and dazed similar to the day before, only this time my father was panicking because my sister and Grandmother were ill. That was when my Grandfather, who was a fire chief met us along with the ambulance. I recall everything being surreal and thinking, “Yes, yesterday this happened too and you didn’t believe me or care”.
The last real memory I have was shortly after the carbon monoxide incident… he was supposed to come and take my sister and I somewhere for the day. I recall waiting outside for the entire day with my sister giving up really early on. I waited and waited thinking I know he will be here, but he never showed… I remember my Grandmother or Grandfather making me come inside and me saying, “I know he is coming”, but they knew he wasn’t.
I will never understand how a father or mother could ever just walk away from their child, but he did. I never saw him again and recall essentially “writing him off in my mind”.
I always told my mother, “I do not know how I could have been a product of that man!”, a thought I relayed to her several times over the course of my life.
She just listened and never responded.
NOW, it all makes sense!
I do think that you can choose to be defined by the events in your life and let them swallow you up OR you can choose to rise above them and be better for them. I chose the later. Just like my mom, I chose to be the best mother that I could be. Protecting my children from any and everything possible. Giving up a lot because it was what was best for my family and it was the right thing to do.
Although things that happen throughout life, like these, may not define you, they certainly play a role in some of the decisions that life force you to make... my Mom made a decision and now, it is my mission, to find out why.
To be continued...
My beautiful friend
It’s been a little over two years since I lost one of my friends – and I don’t mean lost like “we lost touch” or I “lost her address”, I lost her to suicide. At first I couldn’t believe it, I kept thinking it had to have been a mistake. She was one of the most vibrant people I have ever known – the kind of person you can hear laughing from a mile away, that makes you want to join in and find out what’s so funny.
My friend had dealt with a lot of stress, her nightmare divorce still trumps any story I’ve ever heard (A spouse with substance abuse, being accused of attempted murder, spending jail time, losing kids to CPS just to cover the highlights). She had struggled with sobriety and come through with her head held high, her sole focus was getting her kids back in her life. So how could this wonderful, vivacious and tenacious woman give up?
In the days that followed I found myself reaching out to other friends of hers, fondly remembering her and wondering if anyone else had any ideas as to what had happened. Needless to say, the common theme among our conversations was guilt – why hadn’t we checked in more often? When was the last time we had spent time with her? Ironically it renewed and cemented a lot of our friendships as we had all drifted a bit apart and been caught up in our own lives.
Her oldest child was months away from high school graduation and the younger two were just beginning their high school careers. I have tried and tried and just can’t wrap my mind around her choice. It brought into stark reality for me how hard it is for someone who struggles with mental illness (or addiction) to cope on a day-to-day basis. Because we all knew she had found sobriety, we assumed she was “fine”. None of us stopped to think about how much despair there must have been in her life, having only supervised visitation with her children. We didn’t take time out from our own lives, spending time with our children, to realize how she might feel isolated and alone.
I am not saying that I feel we are responsible, my friend was an adult and made her own choice in the end, I just know that for me – I’ll never really lose the guilt of wishing I had done more and then perhaps she would have made a different choice. In the much darker world that my friend left behind I have adopted a few new rules. I check in with my friends much more often, and never hesitate to tell them how important they are to me. (I have gotten several witty comments from my friends about this change, but nonetheless I persevere.) If I have a friend who I know is dealing with any kind of stress I try to make sure they know I am there for them, day or night. The flip side to this is that I now sometimes reach out to my close friends when I’m dealing with things as well. I know that none of this will bring back my beautiful friend, but in her memory I’m trying to make sure nobody else in my friend group will feel as alone as she did.
If you are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please get help – the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is always available at 1-800-273-TALK.
Needing help doesn’t diminish us; sometimes it’s a much-needed part of surviving life.
