While you’re living with a partner who abuses you, be it verbally or physically – it becomes a daily challenge to rise above their behavior and to function in life. As a mother this challenge is sometimes beyond difficult. The instinct to protect and preserve your child’s happiness is as strong as any a mother has. So it was the year that my best mom friend and I decided we wanted to take our kids to a pumpkin patch. As women of means, living in beautiful coastal Southern California, there was no shortage of pop-up pumpkin vendors for us to choose from. None of the tented, carnival type venues were up to our standards. My friend being the more on top of it mom, started surfing the internet to find our perfect location. Before long we had selected the perfect spot for our excursion. We took the kids out to a working ranch, took a hay ride, got lost in the maze, took pictures with a scarecrow, and of course, got lots of “perfect” pumpkin patch photos of our offspring. The absurdity of being so focused on finding the ideal fall location for a group of preschoolers to see pumpkins is not lost on me now. A better step would have been seeking help or counseling or doing something to get myself out of my situation. In self-help books and blogs, it always sounds so easy and effortless. In reality it is neither.
A good first step would have been to tell my friend how difficult my life was. Our kids were together almost every day, we carpooled, we lunched and we lived around the corner from one another. I had ample opportunities to confide in her – what stopped me? Embarrassment? It felt wrong somehow to admit to anyone how bad things were. Imagine my surprise to learn many years later that we were living parallel lives in more ways than I thought.
Our secret lives were dark and desperate but our public ones seemed ideal. It’s astonishing to realize that we knew each other for so long and yet knew so little about each other.
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Loving Your Skin
Erno Laszlo.
Exfoliate $58 & Detox $38:
Love this! It is one of my new favorites…
I have obsessed over my skin since before I was even in double digits! I am always open to trying new things and as a gift for my kids; I picked up a travel size of this duo for $10 thinking that it would be a nice little gift for them. I was curious, so I tried it myself… My skin feels so clean!
You start with the Detoxifying Cleansing Oil (it is supposed to dissolve surface impurities and makeup, even reducing the look of large pores (big goal for me)—without leaving skin feeling tight or dry) I did not feel dry or tight. Next, use the Sea Mud Deep Cleansing Bar that they say has the benefits of Dead Sea Mud. It is supposed to deeply detoxify, exfoliate and hydrate skin. They claim that it is great for blemished skin, which is perfect for teens. It boosts circulation, which left me with a nice glow… I don’t mind the two step process because I did notice a difference.
I have heard that the Exfoliate & Detox Detoxifying Hydrogel Mask is fantastic, especially for minimizing pores, but I have not tried it yet!
As a side note, as soon as the bar touches your skin, it begins to combat the oil that bacteria thrive on. Being the germ-a- phobic person that I am, this definitely sold me!
My courtship with my ex was far from smooth, after our incredibly brief first date I was showered with flowers and invited to drive down for another date. (The idea that he could drive up and see me was clearly not an option for him.) That trip ended in a nearly fatal motorcycle accident that ultimately landed me in the hospital for 9 days. Although the surgeon wanted to admit me to the hospital immediately, I delayed the surgery until after we went on a trip to Washington D.C at his insistence. While in D.C. I went for a run to try and get my energy up as I had been told we would have a long night. Imagine my surprise upon returning to the hotel room, he was ready for us to be intimate. My leg was essentially an open wound, I was exhausted from the travel and still trying to recover from my injury. When I politely declined his offer, he flew into a rage. His fury was absolute, I was directed to get out of the hotel room immediately and he began throwing my things into a suitcase. He told me to get on the first flight out of town. I was in shock and didn’t know what to do. I just stood there laughing, needless to say this didn’t help the situation. He suddenly left, saying he’d be out for the evening. He returned about an hour later full of apologies and begging for forgiveness. Underlying his remorse was the theme that if I hadn’t refused him, he wouldn’t have “had” to behave that way towards me. He begged me to get dressed and come out with him for the evening, and I did. What can I say? Love can make you do inexplicable things.
When we returned from D.C. I was immediately admitted to the hospital and underwent surgery. I spent 9 days in the hospital! While I was in the hospital recovering and in pain I received one visit from him lasting only 45 minutes. What was I thinking? Why didn’t I run then? Because the charming, funny and attentive times seemed to outweigh these "minor" low points? The fact that he was only charming, funny and attentive when he was getting his way didn’t dawn on me until I was already in too deep.
That was the first time I had seen the rage he was capable of and over the next few weeks we would see each other frequently. Of course, he still never made any effort to drive up and see me, it was always me driving down to see him. He generally put his best face forward on these occasions luring me into thinking that the ugly outburst in Washington D.C. had been an isolated incident. His intentions seemed sincere and honorable and about 9 months after we met he proposed.
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