Part 2
I have always heard and believed the sayings, “Everything happens for a reason!” & “God has a plan”! I’ve got to say that I am struggling with both of those a little bit right now! Let me start by saying that my perfectly imperfect 2018 was a year filled with changes… The year started with a joyful reconciliation with my Niece… let me clarify without getting into detail that she did nothing wrong that should have ever required reconciliation. Anyway, this reunion of sorts was filled with old conversation, new conversation and her sharing her love of genealogy with me. Genealogy is something that I have always had an interest in doing and set out to do a few years back. At that time I was a really busy mom and my mom offered to take on the tracing for me! We had always been told that we had lots of Native American on both sides of my mothers family (if you saw us you would seriously doubt that) and with a “by the book” “rule following “ son about to apply to colleges, I was curious to know just how much. As a mother with a child applying to colleges for the first time, you want to make sure that they have as many advantages as possible. Needless to say and thankfully, my amazing children did not need any help, because I don’t think my mom ever actually did any tracing! My mom passed away in 2013 and I really think in her wildest imagination, she never dreamed that there would be DNA testing easily available! Now thinking back on my conversation with her over this, she did NOT want me to dive into this at all! In 2013 consumer DNA testing was uncommon and not readily available. But now that it is, I have a feeling many people will open some family closets that are hiding secrets! There was also this little family rumor about my Great, Great Aunt tracing our family tree until she found something she didn’t like and then burning it in the ’80s! This little tidbit is still a mystery and something I can hopefully uncover, but I have learned that as far as I can tell, whatever she found had absolutely nothing to do with me! Who would've thought that doing something as normal as tracing your family's history could turn your life completely upside down! Well, that's exactly what it did! What started out as a journey to find out why my Great, Great Aunt had burned the family tree years ago, ultimately led me to some incredible hiccups in my immediate family tree. My effort at doing the family tracing started in early 2018 shortly after my meeting with my Niece. She is incredible and got me really excited about tracing my family tree by not only offering her help but convincing me how easy it had gotten. She told me that so many people were on it that you could trace really far back. My mom’s side was pretty straightforward and it wasn’t long before she had them traced back to the 1700’s! My father’s side was a different story! All I knew was that my grandfather's name was Melvin and I had a photo of him. We really hit a roadblock, as I couldn't find anything about or anyone related to Melvin. The only person that I could locate with the same name was listed as African American and although I was open to the possibility, when I looked in the mirror, I knew something was very wrong. We were stuck on this for a while and finally, she suggested that I do a DNA test so that my DNA results would hopefully connect me with other family members/matches and it would make the validation process of different hints easier and more readily available. I was really having a lot of fun with it, so why not??? I had also found out that my uncle, who was my father's half-brother, was still alive and had said that he had taken a DNA test. Let me mention that my father passed away 2 years ago and that I had not seen him since I was about five years old. The few memories that I had were not good which you probably already know about! Oddly although my uncle was still alive, he had almost no information to give me about my father, so I was so excited about getting the DNA results back! Finally a few weeks later, on a Saturday, I received my DNA results. I had a lunch scheduled with my amazing niece who was helping me figure all this out for Monday. But she started asking me questions immediately… mainly, did I recognize any names on a list that she had compiled! This whole DNA concept is way over my head and when she would speak about it, it didn’t just seem like a foreign scientific language, it was! She told me that she would bring a bunch of documents and diagrams so that it would make it a lot easier for me to understand. She told me with absolute certainty that I was a direct descendant of a certain surname… a last name that I had never heard, EVER! She said she would explain on Monday when we met. We met on Monday… a Monday that I will never forget! We started chatting about different things and she told me that for some reason I did not have any DNA matches on the paternal side of my family anywhere. She was really confused and started asking a bunch of questions. I told her that I had to ask my only source, my aunt! I asked my aunt to ask my ½ uncle if he had kept his DNA results private, she said she would do some research and let me know. Shortly after my call to her, some other questions came up so I sent her a quick text asking her to try and find out a few other things, jokingly including, "I know it's impossible, but is there any chance that maybe my father wasn't my father?" She responded back that she would speak with my uncle and get back to me. To be continued...
My courtship with my ex was far from smooth, after our incredibly brief first date I was showered with flowers and invited to drive down for another date. (The idea that he could drive up and see me was clearly not an option for him.) That trip ended in a nearly fatal motorcycle accident that ultimately landed me in the hospital for 9 days. Although the surgeon wanted to admit me to the hospital immediately, I delayed the surgery until after we went on a trip to Washington D.C at his insistence. While in D.C. I went for a run to try and get my energy up as I had been told we would have a long night. Imagine my surprise upon returning to the hotel room, he was ready for us to be intimate. My leg was essentially an open wound, I was exhausted from the travel and still trying to recover from my injury. When I politely declined his offer, he flew into a rage. His fury was absolute, I was directed to get out of the hotel room immediately and he began throwing my things into a suitcase. He told me to get on the first flight out of town. I was in shock and didn’t know what to do. I just stood there laughing, needless to say this didn’t help the situation. He suddenly left, saying he’d be out for the evening. He returned about an hour later full of apologies and begging for forgiveness. Underlying his remorse was the theme that if I hadn’t refused him, he wouldn’t have “had” to behave that way towards me. He begged me to get dressed and come out with him for the evening, and I did. What can I say? Love can make you do inexplicable things.
When we returned from D.C. I was immediately admitted to the hospital and underwent surgery. I spent 9 days in the hospital! While I was in the hospital recovering and in pain I received one visit from him lasting only 45 minutes. What was I thinking? Why didn’t I run then? Because the charming, funny and attentive times seemed to outweigh these "minor" low points? The fact that he was only charming, funny and attentive when he was getting his way didn’t dawn on me until I was already in too deep.
That was the first time I had seen the rage he was capable of and over the next few weeks we would see each other frequently. Of course, he still never made any effort to drive up and see me, it was always me driving down to see him. He generally put his best face forward on these occasions luring me into thinking that the ugly outburst in Washington D.C. had been an isolated incident. His intentions seemed sincere and honorable and about 9 months after we met he proposed.
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Loving Yourself
Breast Cancer is a cause close to our hearts, not just as women with breasts, but also as people who have seen too many friends stricken down by this dreaded disease. We lost two amazing women, teachers who had a profound impact on our children, so we dedicate this section to their memories. Terry and Sandy gone far too soon, your legacy lives on in the lives of the children you inspired.
Know what is normal for you
The signs of breast cancer are not the same for all women. It’s important to know how your breasts normally look and feel.
Many women find their breasts feel lumpy. Breast tissue often has bumpy texture. Lumps that feel harder or different than the rest of the breast tissue (or the tissue of the other breast) or that feel like a change are a concern. If you feel or see any change in your breasts or underarm, see a doctor.
Resources
Susan G. Komen 1-877 GO KOMEN (1-877-465-6636) www.komen.org
American Cancer Society 800-227-2345 www.cancer.org
National Cancer Institute’s Cancer Information Service 1-800-4-CANCER (1-800-422-6237) www.cancer.gov
Signs you should not ignore
Lump, hard knot or thickening inside the breast or underarm area
Swelling, warmth, redness or darkening of the breast
Change in the size or shape of the breast
Dimpling or puckering of the skin
Itchy, scaly sore or rash on the nipple
Pulling in of the nipple or other parts of the breast
Nipple discharge that starts suddenly
New pain in one spot that does not go away
Bra Hacks (Aka Ways to make the bra you have work rather than buying a new one!)
These are some of my favorite ways to change up or fix my bra without having to run to the store for a new one:
Underwire punctures – I don’t know if this happens to everyone but every so often one of the wire bits of my underwire decides to break free and stab me in the breast. Previously I had tried tape, sewing the hole shut and then just trying to live with it by poking the wire back in. (Not easy to do if you’re in public.) Then I discovered this trick – just take a small square of moleskin (In any drugstore or big retail grocery store in the foot section) and put the adhesive side over the hole. No more unpleasant poking and the soft moleskin doesn’t chafe. You’re now good to go until another underwire makes a break for it.
Trying to wear a cute cross back shirt but don’t have a bra with a cross back? (Or you do but its dirty, wrong color etc.) Take your regular bra, loosen the shoulder straps a bit and use a paperclip to keep them together in the middle. Easy to do and just as easy to remove afterward.
Looking to wear a backless or plunging back shirt? Take a bra you don’t mind adapting for this purpose and A) cut off the clasps on each side of the bra. B) Use elastic that is the same width as the back and hot glue the detached clasps to the end C) hot glue the other end of the elastic to the bra. Let it dry (overnight at the least) and voila! A bra that now clasps around your midsection, while maintaining support in the front.
