I remember thinking that the pumpkin had to be carved just right – my vision was that it would be perfect and therefore everything else would be ok. I labored over the template for hours, making tiny cuts into the flesh of the pumpkin, doing my best to make sure it was an exact match. The more I focused on this project, the less I could think about the last few months. The bruises on my neck had faded; it no longer hurt to turn my head. My children were happy. These were the things I needed to focus on. I could hear him moving inside the house and braced myself, knowing that while this attack wouldn’t be physical it would be just as difficult to withstand. “What kind of idiot can’t even carve a pumpkin without directions?” I sighed, careful not to be too loud and in my head thought “This kind of idiot obviously.” I turned to face him, this contorted and angry man, the father of my children…my husband.
In my extreme focus on the pumpkin – honestly, had any one pumpkin ever been subjected to such critical scrutiny? I snapped off the end of a paring knife…. a $200 knife that we had recently purchased. If he were to see the damaged cutlery, it would set off an entire new cascade of angry recriminations and odds are, one of the kids would have heard his meltdown. Thinking fast, I shoved the broken knife into the pumpkin and tossed the piece that had broken off into the bushes. What followed was a tirade of epic proportions. My ability to function as an adult, my parenting skills and of course my qualifications as a wife were called into question and I was berated for about half an hour as I continued my pumpkin project.
Every year on Halloween I was drawn to more and more involved pumpkin carving projects until the year that I realized that my marriage was over. I wish that I could say that this was within a year or so of the day I broke the knife, but it was well over a decade later when I would finally find my voice and my confidence again. Looking back over the pictures of past Halloweens, it’s easy to see the focus I put into my pumpkin projects, and it would become a tradition that my children and I enjoyed together. This is the silver lining of living in an awful marriage; I put all of my energy and attention into my children. For them, those early Halloweens are happy memories filled with candy, costumes, pumpkins and fun. Now that the kids are mostly grown and haven’t trick-or-treated in years, but I still remember those early Halloween adventures whenever we see a particularly cute pumpkin.
Now, I’m almost seven years free of that toxic relationship and haven’t carved a pumpkin in even longer. I recovered my self-confidence, realized that I’m not actually a complete failure at everything, and have built my children and myself a happy life. As a reminder of how far I’ve come, I still have the broken knife.
Please share your story with us at mystory@50fabulousandfinallyfree.com
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I remember thinking that the pumpkin had to be carved just right – my vision was that it would be perfect and therefore everything else would be ok. I labored over the template for hours, making tiny cuts into the flesh of the pumpkin, doing my best to make sure it was an exact match. The more I focused on this project, the less I could think about the last few months. The bruises on my neck had faded; it no longer hurt to turn my head. My children were happy. These were the things I needed to focus on. I could hear him moving inside the house and braced myself, knowing that while this attack wouldn’t be physical it would be just as difficult to withstand. “What kind of idiot can’t even carve a pumpkin without directions?” I sighed, careful not to be too loud and in my head thought “This kind of idiot obviously.” I turned to face him, this contorted and angry man, the father of my children…my husband.
In my extreme focus on the pumpkin – honestly, had any one pumpkin ever been subjected to such critical scrutiny? I snapped off the end of a paring knife…. a $200 knife that we had recently purchased. If he were to see the damaged cutlery, it would set off an entire new cascade of angry recriminations and odds are, one of the kids would have heard his meltdown. Thinking fast, I shoved the broken knife into the pumpkin and tossed the piece that had broken off into the bushes. What followed was a tirade of epic proportions. My ability to function as an adult, my parenting skills and of course my qualifications as a wife were called into question and I was berated for about half an hour as I continued my pumpkin project.
Every year on Halloween I was drawn to more and more involved pumpkin carving projects until the year that I realized that my marriage was over. I wish that I could say that this was within a year or so of the day I broke the knife, but it was well over a decade later when I would finally find my voice and my confidence again. Looking back over the pictures of past Halloweens, it’s easy to see the focus I put into my pumpkin projects, and it would become a tradition that my children and I enjoyed together. This is the silver lining of living in an awful marriage; I put all of my energy and attention into my children. For them, those early Halloweens are happy memories filled with candy, costumes, pumpkins and fun. Now that the kids are mostly grown and haven’t trick-or-treated in years, but I still remember those early Halloween adventures whenever we see a particularly cute pumpkin.
Now, I’m almost seven years free of that toxic relationship and haven’t carved a pumpkin in even longer. I recovered my self-confidence, realized that I’m not actually a complete failure at everything, and have built my children and myself a happy life. As a reminder of how far I’ve come, I still have the broken knife.
Please share your story with us at mystory@50fabulousandfinallyfree.com
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#AbusiveRelationship #EmotionalAbuse #Halloween #Friends #SelfHelp #ConfidinginFriends #YoureNotAlone #EmbarrassingRelationships #FeelingAlone #FamilyFun #FamilyTraditions #Secrets #Denial #PumpkinPatch #Terrified #Horror #SelfConfidence #Children #PumpkinCarving #Bruises #Attack #PhysicalAbuse #Anger #VerbalAbuse #Fear #Questions #SelfDoubt #ToxicRelationship #TrickorTreat #Costumes #BeingAbused #StandingUpForYourself #Sociopath #MarriedToASociopath #BeingMarriedToASociopath #DivorcingASociopath #WomensStruggles #Women #CheatingHusband #GrowingUpAbused #PsycologicalAbuse #Abuse #LivingWithAnAbuser #ProtectingYourFamilyFromANarcissist #MarriedToANarcissist #BeingMarriedToANarcissist #DivorcingANarcissist #Narcissist #Narcissistic #50Divorced
Tequila Lime Cupcakes with Margarita Buttercream Frosting
These terrifying tequila cupcakes are scary... They’re so tasty you might eat a few too many! The extra bit of tequila after they’re baked makes them moist and flavorful and the margarita buttercream is light and fluffy. The nice part about these is they are fairly easy to make and always a crowd pleaser. And...if you eat a few too many, just remember the tequila made me do it!
Cupcake ingredients:
1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 ½ teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
½ cup butter at room temperature
1 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs, at room temperature
Zest and juice of 1½ limes (equal to 2 Tbsp. of juice)
3 tablespoons of gold tequila
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ cup whole milk
Frosting ingredients:
1 cup unsalted butter, at room temperature
2 ¾ cup powdered sugar
1 tablespoon lime juice
1 ½ tablespoons tequila
Pinch of coarse salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
Directions for cupcakes:
1. Preheat the oven to 325°. Line muffin tin with cupcake papers.
2. In a medium bowl whisk together the flour, baking powder and salt.
3. In another bowl use an electric mixer on high-speed, beat the butter and sugar together until light and fluffy. About five minutes.
4. Reduce mixer speed to medium and add the eggs one at a time. Mix thoroughly after each egg.
5. Scrape the size of the bowl and add lime zest, lime juice, vanilla extract, and tequila ask until combined.
6. Reduce the mixer speed to low. Slowly adding dry ingredients and milk separately. Alternate adding the dry ingredients and milk until everything is combined.
7. Bake for about 25 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through. Cupcakes are finished when slightly golden. Insert a toothpick; if it comes out clean they are done.
8. Let the cupcakes to cool for 8-10 minutes.
9. Brush the tops of the cupcakes with 1 to 2 tablespoons of tequila.
10. Let the cupcakes cool completely before frosting.
Directions for frosting:
1. Whip butter on medium high speed with an electric mixer for five minutes. Use the whisk attachment. Reduce the speed to medium low, and gradually add the powdered sugar, scraping the sides of the bowl until all is mixed.
2. Continue to mix on medium speed for an additional 30 seconds.
3. Add the lime juice, tequila, and salt. Mix on medium high speed until fluffy. If the frosting gets a little too soft, add some additional sugar 1 teaspoon at a time until perfect.
4. Use a decorator bag to frost the cupcakes. You can use colored sugar on top to add a festive touch or zest a lime and serve with a lime wedge for color… we went for a Halloween theme.
Happy Halloween!
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